For Coffee Time Wednesday, I want to talk about...
I’m drinking my coffee for the day, trying to figure out a topic for Coffee Time Wednesday. What was the first thought that came to mind? My ex-best friend. I’m stuck on whether I should continue with this topic, but now I’m intrigued. I wonder why my ex-best friend was the first idea that came to me. Maybe because I’m still angry. Maybe I didn’t want it to end. Or maybe… I’m missing her. Now I’m thinking about our story, trying to recall why it ended after many years of giving each other the title of being “the best friend.” Just remembering the reasons of letting go is difficult in itself. Though it is unfortunate, I knew that it had to be done and here’s why.
Let’s call my ex-best friend, Jane Doe. Me and Jane were best friends ever since middle school. Jane was that pretty, long-haired, “Don't care” type of girl who had all the guys drooling with her massive sex appeal. She gained her popularity status by being the typical wild animal. Sex, drugs, alcohol, girl fights… you name it, she has done it all. The most amusing part was the amount of drama she had for someone so young. It was addicting for me to watch how she lived her life. She showed me what life is through her eyes. She reminded me how simple my life was compared to hers. Though I was content with mine, I was always intrigued at how she handled hers. EVERY DAY something new happened.
The thing is in the beginning, watching the drama and providing help was exciting and amusing. Why? Because I know that I’m not the type of girl to live my life this way. After knowing her for years, listening to her dramatic stories with different boyfriends and girl-on-girl drama; it actually brought excitement to my life. Her life was a reality TV show. It was addicting to be around the scene, and I couldn’t change the channel even if I knew I should do something about it. I had front row seats to the drama that didn’t involve me at all, but as her friend she relied on me to stay. She wanted me to support her with every step she took, and so I did.
Again, I’ve been friends with Jane since middle school and we transitioned to high school together. We sat by each other in every class we took. She would walk me to class and I to hers. At one point, we were both on the same page; we focused on college, grades, and the future. There was no drama just yet, but somehow things began to change. She got hurt by a couple of boyfriends here and there and along the way, she gained new friends who made her give in to sex and drugs. It was hard to leave, but I knew I had to be her friend at a distance. I stayed with patience. I often advised her of right and wrong, but I didn’t beg. I gave her the benefit of the doubt in hoping that she would turn back around and give up this kind of lifestyle.
Then senior year came. College was right around the corner. While I attended college fairs, she would skip class with her other friends and my disappointment grew as time passed. One day, I remember her trying to leave school with those girls and asked me to go with her. I told her I didn't want to, explained why she shouldn’t, and I begged her to go to class with me instead. But she decided to leave anyway. I would admit that, to this day, I am really hurt by her leaving. As the school year kept going, I noticed the same thing kept happening over and over again. And finally, it hit me. She had new friends and the outlook we shared was blurry. I knew right then and there that I had to let her go. I knew that I had to do what was better for me. I was fed up with the lifestyle and her presence was getting old and weary. While I kept growing as a woman, I knew I was still helping out a little girl who didn’t want to grow up. So I set her off.. I went to college for nursing and she went off to do only God knows what.
Now the question still stands. Was she ever my friend? Yes, she was. We shared a lot of memories together. I witnessed her heart breaks and she witnessed mine. She stood by me whenever times were rough, and she was ready to back me up whenever I needed her. What I realized about our friendship is that people change. Some change for the better and some change for the worse. I can’t sit here and figure out what she should’ve done to turn things around, but what I have learned is that there are times when you have to let people go to let them find out whatever it is that they look for. When I look back at it, she left me a long time ago anyway so it was my turn to leave too. I can safely say that I’ve done my part as a friend. However, to this very day… sometimes I reminisce and think what could’ve happened if she decided to go to class with me instead.