For this week's Coffee Time Wednesdays...
Are you currently in a relationship where it seems like it will never work out? Have you ever felt like you and your significant other are just not meant to be? Maybe you find yourself hitting a point in your relationship where you are doubting the future and what it beholds. I am not a therapist or a relationship expert, but I do believe that feelings of contemplation are normal in any fulfilling and loving relationship.
Every relationship, whether the significant other is your friend, your lover, or coworker, there will be a time where both of you will come to a disagreement. Depending on how you communicate with one another, your disagreements will either be easily resolved or difficult to fix. Usually at times of difficulty, our emotions are heightened and the stressors are identified. As human beings, it is natural for us to fix the issue by getting rid of those stressors, in which we start to doubt the sincerity of our lover. In other words, we start to contemplate the future and make irrational decisions of leaving our partner to “be happy.” What I want you to understand is that these kinds of emotions are normal and that these feeling are not your end-all and be-all testimonies. It is important to understand that there is a reason why you both chose each other to be in this monogamous, faithful relationship. All you have to do is to remind yourself of why you both fell in love with each other in the first place.
Remember that relationships are hard work! You and your partner will be going through this rollercoaster ride of ups and downs, loops and cycles, and endless emotions of excitement and fear. There are too many factors that come in to play whether you should break it off with someone (this topic alone could be a whole article in itself), but before you come to that decision, you have to list out the pros and cons of your relationship and be in high spirit with the hopes that the pros will outweigh the cons (Please note that if you are in an abusive relationship, that con alone outweighs all pros.) You and your partner must be willing to make sacrifices, make compromises, and make changes in your relationship in order for both of you to grow in your relationship. You have to be willing to listen with an open-mind and understand where your significant other is coming from. Communication is the key to any loving relationship and without it, your relationship could continue with repeated mistakes or end with no resolution.
I have provided for you 3 easy-steps on how to communicate effectively with your loved one:
- Identify the issue (on your own): Why are you both at a disagreement? Why are you feeling the way you are feeling? It is important for you to identify your inner feelings and emotions in order for you to be able to talk it out.
Not only should you identify the issue, but you should also figure out the weight of the issue. In other words, is your disagreement about a heavy issue such as religion, family, etc. or is your disagreement about something small, such as ‘what to eat for dinner.’ Figuring out the weight of the issue is also a way for you to recognize who you are and what you feel strongly about.
It is easy for us to try to talk it out immediately after a fall out, but most of the time, talking it out without taking a time out from each other usually ends with further anger and resentment. You have to do this step of identifying the issue by yourself because staying in the presence of your lover could distract you to pay attention to negative emotions such as anger and anxiety. These types of emotions can cause you to make irrational decisions so it is best to take some time to yourself while you get in touch with your feelings.
- Listen to his/her perspective: Active listening is really important when it comes to trying to resolve an issue. Both of you have to listen to each other and put yourself in each other’s shoes in order to know what compromises both of you will have to make. Listen with an open mind, identify how passionate they are about the issue, and see if this is something that you can compensate with your feelings.
- Find a resolution (together): At this point, you have already identified your feelings, as well as your partners. You have listed the pros and cons of this relationship and have already reminded yourself of why both of you love each other. I am assuming that at this point, you both have decided that you want to continue to be together to find a resolution to the problem.
It is important for you to make sacrifices and compromises for your partner, but your partner will also have to do the same. Being closed-minded and stubborn to potential resolutions can cause you to not have a resolution at all. Remember that wearing your pride and ego on your sleeves can be one of the determining factors of why both of you have hit this wall of disagreement. Both of you should find that comfort in one another where you can turn to your lover and talk about anything. Again, stay open-minded and listen to your partner’s suggestions.
To conclude this article, just remember that relationships are difficult. Nothing comes easy, but there is a reason why you both are in this relationship in the first place. Try to remind yourself of the love that you both share for one another. Trust me when I say that it will be difficult and you may go through a mixture of emotions, but at the end of the day, you and your partner are in this together. Everything shall work itself out with faith and positivity.